free falling by bridget luff

Last week I did something that really scares me. I deliberately flipped all the way over, flung my legs right over my head and landed on my back. It kind of hurt (yes it did a little, and I hit the person in front of me*) but afterwards I felt amazing.  Freer, lighter, stronger.

I had attended a workshop with my teacher Naomi Absalom on releasing fear. Before the workshop she asked why I was coming, I said because I was scared of falling. 

Its the being out of control. The not knowing what’s coming next. The being so incredibly vulnerable that anything can happen.

I have avoided falling as much as possible my whole life. I never did cartwheels or handstands as a girl, I avoided hikes, surfing, motorbikes as a teenager and then as an adult I sensibly avoid all highs. Good for me right? 

But no. Not quite right. 

I landed up choosing a profession which requires me to constantly tumble, constantly make mistakes, constantly be vulnerable and exposed. 

Isn’t that weird? The thing I had been avoiding my whole life was now rising up for me to face. And I have been chipping away bit by bit, breaking a few boundaries here and there. 

And then I attended a workshop knowing I would have to probably FALL in.

I realised many things in that moment of lying on my back staring up at the ceiling: 

- the thing I was afraid of was not that bad after all

- being out of control is when you feel most free

- finding my edge, that super wobbly place, was the biggest spark of inspiration I have experienced for a long time.

So, I am still trying to work out how to weave in some of these new revelations, to let go some of the too tightly held reigns, take some risks and TRUST that I have some life-lines around.

“I don’t mind if you fall in my class, in fact I want you to fall.” - Naomi Absalom

I laughed. But now I understand. 

- Falling is freeing.

- You fall in love. 

- Alice fell into the rabbit-hole. 

So when you feel your heart tug at you to take a risk, but you begin over analysing and feel super fearful… what if, what if

you try fall, you feel the fall, and one day

you might you might actually FLY.

Who would have thought it?